There are times when the mind is all awhirl…a million thoughts and pieces of thoughts and unfinished projects spinning and spinning to no clear avail. This is one of those times for me.
I tried, in meditation, to struggle with this some, just to see if it might help to organize things a bit, but of course that was a non-starter. So I sat. Just sat, and let mind do its thing, and after a while things began to calm a little on their own. Still, the whirling continues.
I don’t know why, but as I considered writing this down to share, I began to feel great love for this whirling process, for my own mind and its busyness, for its temporary helplessness in the throes of many changes happening in my life. And sitting down to write was simply the “next most obvious thing.”
There are, in fact, many things I have to do these days to accomplish the changes that are in the works – changes born of a deeper desire to give, and to find out where the need is for what I may offer. There is, indeed, work to be done. But I am realizing that I will no be able to accomplish these things by brute force of will. I am not capable of navigating these waters by my own power. When I take a moment to feel inside, it becomes clear that my true power lies in trusting the love which rules my world behind the scenes at every moment, in surrendering to it and thus loving and nurturing and valuing who I truly am, giving up the illusion of personal control with which I have heretofore plied the waters of my life.
Why? Because it just won’t work anymore to try to operate from the old habit pattern of “doing it all myself.”
Practically speaking, I don’t know what form operating from this different center will take. I don’t even know what I will be doing the moment I get up from writing this. And I don’t know if or how the old habits will be broken. There is a whole world of things I don’t know.
There is one thing that does seem certain, however. Somehow – and again, I don’t know how I know, but when I make space, I can feel it deeply – a Love, with great strength, beauty, and emptiness, waits for me always in the vast expanse of my own very essence.
~ Namaste ~